Saturday, March 03, 2012

February 14, 2012

My mom passed away on Valentine's Day. After a week in palliative care and all of us there at her side, she passed away painlessly and peacefully.

I can't begin to convey how I feel. It's like no other emotion I've ever felt before. I've lost both grandparents, an uncle, a father-in-law and sister-in-law...and at the young age of 12, I lost my father...but the pain of losing my mother is almost unbearable and unlike any other I've ever experienced. I have periods of anxiety and despair that can bring me to my knees. I have brief, strong moments when I feel like I can do this...that obviously others have done this and lived through it, but those moments of despair that hit are so bad that I can't imagine feeling like this forever. I have guilt already knowing how my daughter will feel when my time comes and I pass and she's left behind.

I believe in God wholeheartedly and know my mom is no longer suffering or struggling, but selfishly I wish she were here for with me.

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