I had a conversation with Kristie (Mark's cousin and my good friend), who just adopted a little girl from China too (Jenna). Kristie has 2 beautiful biological sons already and she made the comment about how much more she had to work at that attachment with Jenna (mainly it seemed when other family members were around). She said it came so easy with her sons and she asked if I knew what she meant. Of course I did, but I always just thought that (in the beginning) it was that "I" really had to work hard at getting Shayla to attach to "me"...I never thought it was "the norm" with other adoptive parents. When we got home from China, I needed not only for her to understand my name "momma", but to really know what a "momma" was...to know that I was who she came to if she got hurt, scared, tired, etc. I knew exactly what Kristie was talking about, it was the same for me. Right after we got home from China, I wanted my family and Mark's family to be around Shayla and get to know her, but she took a special liking to my sister Karen. It was great that she loved Shayla so much, but last year, that closeness that Shayla had with her really bothered me. I felt jealous. It's not that Shayla pushed me away, but if my sister was at our house visiting and I walked in the door from work, Shayla wouldn't notice, nor really care that momma was home...she would run to Karen for kisses and hugs and sometimes cry when she left. It might sound bad, but a couple of months later when Shayla started crying for me when I left, I felt sad for her, but also happy that she was like that with me then too. Now, I don't feel jealous any more. I know it's because now my baby knows who and what I am to her. I love that my sister loves her like I do and would anything in the world for her...I love that Shayla feels so comfortable with my side of the family, as well as Mark's side. I'm thankful that she has so many people who care for her and love her so much. Maybe it's the same with all parents who adopt? Maybe you just have to work at it a little harder. 
This is Aunt Karen with her baby girl!
1 comment:
It's true, I love her with all my heart. It had been 27 years since we had a baby in our family. My 'baby' is now 28! I was so happy that my sister finally had her baby, and I'm sorry if I made her feel bad. Shayla loves me 'cause she can do whatever she wants when Aunt Karen has her! Shayla loves her Momma and Dada, I'm just grateful that she has enough love for the rest of us.
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