Well a couple of weeks ago, we gave Shayla's crib, one of her small strollers (she had 3) and her old high chair to my nephew's wife. Her brother is moving back here from Korea with his wife and new baby and they really needed some baby items. Giving baby things away made me sad. It's like knowing that you'll never have another child. I've been through this feeling before...like when we were first told we would never have children. Well, it made me feel "kinda" the same...except I know I now have a beautiful child that I'll forever be grateful for. When I mentioned this to Mark, he agreed that financially we couldn't adopt again any time soon anyway...that when/if the time ever came that we could, then we could simply purchase new items anyway...or the baby could just sleep with us. Even though he's right about not having adoption money available, he made me feel better just by adding that last part (the "sleep with us" part), it made me feel as though all hope is not lost if we wanted another later down the road. Eventually (not now, as I don't think I'm ready for number 2 yet), I would love for Shayla to have a sibling...brother or sister. I know how I've depended on my sister throughout the years and I want Shayla to have a sibling like that too. It makes me sad to think she may never have that closeness with a brother or sister.
I never wrote about it back then, but the year when we were waiting for Shayla's referral to come in, we were "offered" a child to adopt. A newborn boy. A friend of the family knew we were wanting to adopt, knew a teenager who was having her second child and she wanted to place him with an adoptive family. We didn't think we could afford 2 so close together, so we chose not to do it. We thought we'd be getting her referral any day and there was no way I would've have stopped that adoption...I had her name, clothes, everything picked out...she was already real to me. It ends up, he was adopted by a couple who also desperately wanted a child. I have seen him in person and met his adoptive mom, briefly...and I know we made the right decision. He's where he should be, with the mom he's supposed to be with. I have no doubt and no regrets. Now if an opportunity like that came around again, we would seriously, I mean SERIOUSLY consider it.