Tuesday, April 10, 2007
We went to the monthly FCC (Families with Children from China) dinner today. It was so nice to see a couple we've become friends with. Their daughter was brought home from China last May and she is adorable. I also invited a girl from my work (who is adopting from China too) in hopes she would feel better about the long wait. I know it makes me feel better about "the wait" when I can be around others who understand what I'm going through. I know a lot of people just think it's no big deal...it's just waiting. BUT...it's more than that. It's constant anticipation... a constant anxiety, worry, stress, headache. It's waiting for the biggest moment of your life...and you just know it's going to come soon, and you get your hopes up...then due to circumstances beyond your control, that day is put off and you feel like it will never come...you have absolutely no control and no say in the matter. People ask every single day when will you hear something...but you don't know. All you know is that every single time you get your hopes up, they are squashed! People who hadn't even wanted kids (or more kids) have gotten pregnant, had given birth to children...the children had birthdays already...but you are STILL waiting. Waiting for someone to show you a picture of your child. The child you've waited so many years for. We haven't only been waiting since our LID (log in date) of 11/21/05...we've been waiting for that child since we got married in 2001. That's one hell of a wait. It literally puts your life on hold. No vacations for fear of using too many vacation hours that will be needed later. Improvements to the house that can't be done now because you need that extra money to finish paying for the adoption and the mandatory trip to China. I know it will be worth all the waiting, worry, money, anxiety and the fear in the world, just to have her home. When I don't feel like waiting anymore, I know all I have to do is wait. She'll be here. Seeing those babies and little girls tonight at dinner always reminds me of that. I'm so glad I went.