2013

Although it's been awhile since my last post, we're all doing fine here. 

Shay is in kindergarten and is so smart!  She can add and subtract like nobody's business!  We're so proud.  She says some things that sound so grown-up that it's hard to believe she's only 6.  She just lost one of her front, top teeth and looks so cute!

After 16 years at his job, Mark's company closed and he's been looking for another since August.

As for me, well I'm still the best mom ever!  Hmm, pretty damn good in my own mind, that is!  Shayla might actually agree...at least she tells me that sometimes.  I'm still dealing with my mom's passing.  It's been a year, but it's still so hard.  I never thought that after a whole year, I would still "forget" sometimes that she's gone and want to call her or drive by her house.  It still feels unreal.

In this last year, we sold our house with the intent to buy my childhood home, but that fell through due to some family issues AFTER we had already sold our house, so after 10 years at the old place, we were forced to find another home quickly so we wouldn't have to stay in hotel or on someone's couch.  Luckily we had the absolute best realtor and she knew some people who were about to list their home, so we lucked out with a wonderful new home in my childhood neighborhood.  It's not quite as big as our last home of 10 years, but it's laid out better and has a finished basement and 2 car detached garage.  Our last house was 2 stories and had a 1 car attached garage.  I often try to picture my mom here, sitting in a lawn chair and imagine good times with her.  Even though we moved after she passed away, I think she would like it here.  We do.

This was a really good therapy session for me.  I forgot how nice it is to just write.  I'll be back soon!

February 14, 2012

My mom passed away on Valentine's Day. After a week in palliative care and all of us there at her side, she passed away painlessly and peacefully.

I can't begin to convey how I feel. It's like no other emotion I've ever felt before. I've lost both grandparents, an uncle, a father-in-law and sister-in-law...and at the young age of 12, I lost my father...but the pain of losing my mother is almost unbearable and unlike any other I've ever experienced. I have periods of anxiety and despair that can bring me to my knees. I have brief, strong moments when I feel like I can do this...that obviously others have done this and lived through it, but those moments of despair that hit are so bad that I can't imagine feeling like this forever. I have guilt already knowing how my daughter will feel when my time comes and I pass and she's left behind.

I believe in God wholeheartedly and know my mom is no longer suffering or struggling, but selfishly I wish she were here for me...here with me.

Missed

I missed this being here. Back for now...

Yeah, a new post (probably the last)

I haven't found the time to post lately and quite honestly, nowadays I find it boring. I still have my favorite blogs that I read daily and will continue to do so.

When we were waiting for Shay to come home, I loved posting to my blog, it always seemed like it was kinda therapeutic. However, finally now that we're a family and life is "normal", I find it time consuming. I love my life, I love my family, but I think it's time to go private on the blog. I don't want to delete my blog as I would love to have parts of it published into a book (through Book my Blog or some place like that) for Shayla when she's older, but I kinda want it now for just me.

Soon, I will set it up so only I or my closest family members can access it. I don't think it will surprise anyone since I haven't written here in so long. Kinda sad about it, but right now, I don't want to devote so much time to it. Now that Shay is getting older, I really think that her privacy is important.

A Long Time

It's been a long time since I've posted. I don't know that I'll ever keep this website up like I used to. Life is busy and I don't always have time to blog...then when I do, I don't feel I have much of anything to say.

I'm currently at home recovering from a hysterectomy, so I thought I'd update a little.

Shayla is growing so fast. She's smart, funny and silly. She's very kind hearted and loving, so we're thankful for that. Not only is she beautiful on the outside, but she's just as beautiful on the inside. She will love on her cat Daisy every day and calls for her just so she can pet her. With my recent surgery, she kisses my belly and pats me on the shoulder. Like I said, very loving.

I have many pics that I need to post, but have not even uploaded them from the camera. Once I do that, I will take a few moments to upload them here so you can see how Shay has grown.

For now, I guess that's it.

Old pics

Sweet old pic of my baby so you don't think she's a potty mouth!

Mmm...did she just say that?????

While watching Dora last night, the big red chicken was looking for a cake, only to find the cake on his head. My child...my sweet, precious, innocent child laughed and then said..."silly old bitch"... Nevertheless, I was stunned...did I just hear that? Wait...what she say? I'm sure that's NOT what she said...so I ask..."hmmm...what did you just say, Momma didn't catch that last part"? So she repeated it...yep, it sounded the same. Well shit. Yep, I type it, but it's not said around her...nor is "silly old bitch". I can cuss like a sailor at work, but not at home. I called Mark in there to see if he heard what I heard...yep. She said she learned it from "Adam" at daycare. Asshole Adam...yeah, typed but not said!